Why do I eat?

Why do I eat??


When the idea to blog about this subject came to mind, I had some pretty firm ideas why I eat.
 There is the physical need to eat to replenish the energy we expend.
There are also the emotional reasons,lonely,tired bored,angry,sad ect....
There are medical conditions  to consider.



When I started to consider  this post I was surprised to find that it is MUCH more complicated than that.

I had been at a reasonable weight until about 8  years ago . Not skinny ,not overweight but a reasonably healthy weight.
An abusive relationship, the resulting trust issues,the traumatic end of that abusive  relationship while  living 3000 mile from my adult children ,moving cross county,quitting smoking /drinking , celiac disease, my father illness and  death , all have impacted my eating habits  . To be honest being single for the past 8 years has had a huge effect on my eating habits.


I  love food. I love everything about food  ( except the fact to much makes me fat,lol)
I love shopping for food. Cooking food. Baking food. I love the taste and texture of food.I get great enjoyment out of food.
I eat for the joy of it. I eat to stuff my feelings, I eat because I am lonely ,happy,sad,overwhelmed ,because it is there ,because it is not there,or because it is _____day.
I have used food . I have abused food. Food has been my friend . Food has been  my enemy.

Understanding  my relationship with food is key for me learning to view food in a healthy way .
To be healthy and maintain a healthy weight, I must/I need / I will , learn to view food for what is really is:  Sustenance for the body.

Food is NOT meant to be my best friend, my lover, my therapist, my pastime when I am bored .
Food IS meant to sustain a healthy body.

The fact that I must learn to view food only as sustenance for the body scares the HELL out of me.

I feel like I am losing my only support  system .

That prospect is almost enough for me to say the hell with losing weight and getting healthy.
Almost enough for me to continue my sick relationship with food.
ALMOST, almost but not quite enough to make me give up.
 Some where inside there is the strength to do this, there has to be,I just have to dig deep enough to find it .

Changing my relationship with food is the only way I will be able to  reach  and maintain a healthy weight.

Today I am truly not feeling up to the task, Thankfully tomorrow will come  and  I WILL be a bit stronger , and the day after that stronger still.